I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
