I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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