and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
