38 yer olds are good kisserssss
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
