Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
