btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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