i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
