just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
