Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
