I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just had sex bonerless
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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