Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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