Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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