I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
