Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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