I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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