The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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