Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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