I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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