mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Randomize
