I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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