True but thats because hes a fetus.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
