the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
