i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
