just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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