Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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