Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
