Will you blow on my dice?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
