Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
