She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
