so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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