The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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