maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
