hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
