So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
