i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
