I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
