hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
