yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
