i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wish my penis had a tongue
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize