I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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