In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
