sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
