Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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