I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
