I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
