omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
