My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
