I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
