Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
