I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
