you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
