so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
