I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
