Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
