my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
