I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize