After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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