the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
