Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Enjoy the penises
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
