fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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