I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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