Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize