Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
