it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
