i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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