Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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