Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
